Given our smashing success in the Wild Card, we bring you the only guide you will need for the Divisional Series. Behold the dominance that is Swing Badder.

Cleveland vs. New York Yankees

The Guardians are fresh off an extra innings thriller over Tampa. Now that the teams get to play more than three games, it’s going to be exciting to see if Cleveland can start to truly play David to the Goliaths of payroll in the league.

The Yankees enter the series with the third highest payroll in baseball at $265 million. They are rested. They have the story of the year in Aaron Judge and they are ready. Their injured and retained salaries total $62 million. Which means they are about $20 million off of the Guardian’s payroll just on players who are not playing. Gerritt Cole was paid $36 million this year for a 3.50 ERA and he is fighting for the reputation of big named pitchers from New York baseball teams making over $35 million per year to prove they weren’t over paid for offseason results.

The Guardians have nothing to lose because their payroll is basically unemployment payments if you take out state and federal taxes. The plus side of this is that they can pay big money for traveling to New York for the team. On the downside, they have to ask Gerritt Cole to pay for the parking at Yankee Stadium for the team bus.

We don’t mess with Jobu. Not joking here. Ride this gravy train the whole way.

Cleveland in 5. 

Seattle vs. Houston

The Mariners are very excited about Houston because Seattle loves recycling and last I heard they don’t allow trash cans in Houston any more.

Mariners came on strong from game 2 where they came back from a 7 point deficit to close out Toronto, ensuring once again that no foreign entity will win the World Series. (Yay America!) They expect to ride the momentum and a $128 million payroll to a divisional win.

Except Houston has a lot to fight for. They have an adequate $193 million payroll and want to prove to the world that they can win without cheating, stealing signs, all that fancy stuff. Expect Jose Altuve and Justin Verlander to look to prove that they are worth the $29 and $25 million they are getting paid respectively. Verlander takes a 14-11 and a 3.50 ERA in the postseason into the series. Since he is going to be paid big time this off season, expect a dominating performance.

The Mariners are magic this year. Even if Verlander goes long into the game, the Mariners have proved that no run differential is safe.

Expect the Mariners in 4 while America cheers. 

Philadelphia vs. Atlanta

Atlanta rolls in as the World Series champs from last year. Unfortunately they are only paying their team $200 million. Realistically, I don’t know how you can expect to repeat as a World Series champion unless you up the money you are paying out. They are charging $14 for burgers and $11 for a foot long. It would seem to me that $12 for a foot long seems like a natural price. Are they are charging $1 an inch  and the last inch is free?

Atlanta is paying Charlie Morton a handsome salary for his 4.34 ERA. Since Atlanta owns the post season, expect Morton to step up and then someone like Vaughn Grissom at $215,000 to have an impact. Forget guys name Acuna. This is when it get real.

Bryce Harper is bringing his $27 million bat to bear on the series. After manhandling St. Louis, Philly is looking to slap Atlanta with a Philly Cheesesteak of baseball. The problem is that Bryce Harper is annoying and Atlanta has some sort of magic in the postseason.

Atlanta in 4

San Diego vs. Los Angeles

The battle on the West Coast! San Diego, being the giant killers that they are, look to establish dominance over a Los Angeles Dodgers team that doesn’t know the meaning of the word “budget.”

How can you not be excited for what $275 million gets you? If you didn’t believe in the New York Mets dominating the Padres, at least believe in the Los Angeles dollars and their ability to suck your soul and defeat the Padres. You have to admire a team that contributes $42 million to the Turner families, even if they aren’t related.

San Diego is excited about the divisional round after “Shiny Ear Cosgrove” shut down the Mets in an impressive fashion. It would be pretty incredible to see the Padres take out the Dodgers as well with a clean sweep of any salary above their own. Honestly, anyone that takes out the Dodgers is an American hero.

San Diego in 5